“Although I am gay. ..I always wanted a baby girl….Always. …having been a victim of sexual abuse denied me that right. …I do feel your incredible pain and loss and suffering. ..I look stronger than I am……I have seven siblings. ..I am the only one without children. ..it sucks…and at my age…I will never be blessed with a child of my own… it is incredibly sad and lonely and unless one has or endured continue to endure the emptiness. They will never truly know….I am so incredibly sorry honey….I do know your pain and I’m sure your lover is just as sad. ..as I tell my family. ..I have no blood line…no name sake…when I am gone. ..that’s it….I feel you ms Firestone. ..truly I do…I bet you never knew that…your female contractor in WA.
Karen Dennis, Tacoma WA
Dearest Karen, No, I did not know of your desire to be a mother. My heart holds you through this story. Thank you for letting me share your words. I feel honored. Many women will read these words and feel connected to you…feel supported. Thank you.
As for being gay and wanting a baby girl; sexuality is irrelevant, isn’t it? We are born yearning to nurture, to love, to hold, to teach. To be held, to kiss, to Love. My heart aches knowing this is also your journey. Right now I want to hold you and mourn together. To kiss your eyes and tell you “we’ll be ok.”
Just when I feel I am healed, I read a story like yours and am brought once again to my knees.
One of the pieces in The Empty Womb is titled, “Fuck you. This will Never be behind me.”
I’m sitting at my Santa Fe kitchen counter, Aurah playing sacred music “Kismet”. Coffee. Tears. Like so many mornings. Mourning. Breathing. I hold you now in my heart, across the miles….
Love (so, so much love), Robbi